Greetings and Salutations!
Yep, still alive.
It took me a month to clear my Covid temperature and get back to normal and then back to work.
All of February. It kind of bugs me that my vacation days (1st week of Feb.) were blown on being sick.
On the other hand...I am truly very glad to still be alive. I was still pretty tired when I returned to work - I did half days for a couple of weeks and I was walking pretty slowly and I couldn't lift much.
A Note - I wrote the vast majority of this in May. I revisited it in June and still couldn't get a cohesive post. The latter part of this blog post devolved into a bit of a rant. Read on if you care to visit the frustrated, unfinished, circular pathways of my brain from May and June.
I have decided to leave some of it and add blue Blogiversary comments from my July brain - possibly the blue "voice of reason".
I am even in the process of getting vaccinated. After having Covid, it is recommended that folks that have had Covid wait 90 days before embarking on the vaccination process. So...I got the first shot a couple of weeks ago - which most people say is a breeze. Unless you've had Covid. And then the first shot meets up with the Covid antibodies already established in your blood and you get to have the heavier reaction of the 2 shots. For me, it was like the month of being sick with Covid condensed into 2 days. Bleh but...kind of familiar and almost comforting in a bizarre way. Achey, tired, fever, sleep, a lot of sleep, eyeballs hurt, hair hurt briefly, several hours of feeling queasy, brain fog, more sleep, and then a slow realization that I didn't feel so bad anymore. We'll see what the 2nd shot brings.
The second shot brought a low fever and fatigue. I went to bed, slept well and then was up and running errands on the 2nd day after the shot. Not bad. I have been noting some extra fatigue but I don't know if it relates to my revisiting Covid via the vaccine.
So...the motivation comment in the title. Over the past year, I have become motivationally challenged. I feel like I am barely able to accomplish the basics of laundry, cat-care and work. {Yes, my house is a profound disaster.}There has been little knitting or crafting.
Some of the motivation drag is the extreme fallout/growing pains of the crap leadership of the past few years, the self-righteous, angry people who have crawled out of the woodwork to support the crap leadership and to deny a whole range of people the status and rights of, well, people. What the hell?!?!?!
{I can't help but note here that I am currently feeling self-righteous and angry. Ha. The irony.}
I have worked through the pandemic. I have seen lovely, kind people wearing masks, folks that stayed in their cars as we brought them their online purchases, folks that forgot their mask that tried to complete their shopping whilst holding their shirt over their face, folks who can't wear a mask for emotional reasons, folks that almost wear a mask (under-nose, under-chin, on one ear), and folks that ignored the mask mandate altogether (pregnant ladies?!? with several kids in tow) and men that couldn't be bothered.
And then there are the folks that come in spoiling for a fight. The mere suggestion that there are masks to be had by the entrance unleashes in-your-face name-calling, and bizarre, angry excuses that make you wish you could ask them kindly why no one taught them the basic courtesy of covering their mouths when they cough - or breathe during an airborne virus pandemic. The angry folks and the ones that couldn't be bothered hurt my heart. Some folks explained that they Never get sick and have never gotten vaccinations. Nowhere in their explanation is any consideration for the rest of the world. This disregard....
Yep, I was pissed. Still am if I dwell on it too long. Hmmm-kind of like how I get when I remember what-all went on in the training marriage. {Long time ago. My taste in men has greatly improved!}
I am angry. Angry that a chunk of our world has revealed itself to be ridiculously selfish and narrow-minded. Angry at the woman who explained that she can't wear a mask because she passes out - yet I met her as she was trying to convince other customers that they "really don't have to wear a mask". Angry at the man who yelled at me last year that all this was going away on November 4th. {My first thought in response was "We're not going to have a vaccine by 11/4...??"} Angry at the woman who discounted masks and protested the mandate because 75% of her office got Covid and it was "nothing".
I know people who were hospitalized and one person in our circle died of Covid. People are STILL dying and she says it's "nothing"!?!
{Deep breath.} Pause to watch the rest of "Sesame Street 50: years of Sunny Days"
Ok...I needed that.
And yet...many, many more people wore masks. And still do. And people are getting vaccinated.
And there is outrage, dialog and even some change inspired by the fallout from the previous administration and the revealed day-to-day cruelties and dismissal of folks that are marginalized or misunderstood. I still think "Ignorance can be cured." I also think I am less blithe about the number of folks that can recognize their ignorance and adjust their perspective.
It makes me Very sad that I now feel some folks are irredeemable. As does the continuing revelations of how prejudice shapes the lives and children of folks of color, people that don't fit into the "standard" boxes, fear of religion.... What the hell, indeed?? Gonna stop, else the ranting will start up again.
And boy did I wander off the "lack of motivation" subject. It seems pretty obvious that the revelations of the crap side of humanity is depressing me. Grrrrr/duh.
We can't go back to what was. Too much truth has been revealed. And "what was" had an ugly underside. As I've said before...as a kid that grew up watching Star Trek, I really thought we'd be further along by now. More human. No, better humans.
Progress is being made. Slowly and at great cost. But living through the growing pains sucks. I am hoping this time, the narrow-minded prejudices that hold us back will age out and will become part of the past we should never repeat. I do hope good will come of all this but the cost is staggering
Over the decades of my life, I have realized embarrassing ignorance in my mind and have worked to learn, to cure that ignorance and settle into a new perspective - only to find I have more to learn.
Guess that means I'm "Still Alive".
Post-script...I started this in May but I stopped trying to write this and let it sit for a while. I was so angry and hurting. It was hard to see any good in the world and to accomplish much of anything.
Small steps are helping.
I am now vaccinated but I choose to continue to wear a mask when the majority of my co-workers and most of our city have shed theirs. From what I've read, we have a long way to go. The vaccine doesn't mean we can't catch the virus - it means we shouldn't die from it.
And we may not even realize we have it - as we breathe out the virus to the people around us.
AND THE CHILDREN ARE NOT YET VACCINATED.
One of my coworkers commented that she had little concern for the health of people who refuse to get a vaccine or that went maskless/have risked our lives over the last year because "it's a hoax" or a political thing. Sadly, as you can tell from the paragraphs above, I understand where she is coming from and I have those feelings too.
When I am being my best adult, I take a deep breath and I hope that those ignorant anti-folks will see sense - before they or someone they love becomes sick or dies. Or before they kill someone I love.
But I will do my level best not to be an inadvertent carrier/spreader of COVID. The mask stays on.
Hugs to you all. I hope you and your loved ones are doing well.
Signed, the Blue Voice of Reason.
Happy Blogiversary.
