Still-Still Alive, Blogiversary and Motivation in the Time of Covid

 Greetings and Salutations!

Yep, still alive. 

It took me a month to clear my Covid temperature and get back to normal and then back to work.
All of February. It kind of bugs me that my vacation days (1st week of Feb.) were blown on being sick.
On the other hand...I am truly very glad to still be alive. I was still pretty tired when I returned to work - I did half days for a couple of weeks and I was walking pretty slowly and I couldn't lift much.

A Note - I wrote the vast majority of this in May. I revisited it in June and still couldn't get a cohesive post. The latter part of this blog post devolved into a bit of a rant. Read on if you care to visit the frustrated, unfinished, circular pathways of my brain from May and June. 
I have decided to leave some of it and add blue Blogiversary comments from my July brain - possibly the blue "voice of reason". 

I am even in the process of getting vaccinated. After having Covid, it is recommended that folks that have had Covid wait 90 days before embarking on the vaccination process. So...I got the first shot a couple of weeks ago - which most people say is a breeze. Unless you've had Covid. And then the first shot meets up with the Covid antibodies already established in your blood and you get to have the heavier reaction of the 2 shots. For me, it was like the month of being sick with Covid condensed into 2 days. Bleh but...kind of familiar and almost comforting in a bizarre way. Achey, tired, fever, sleep, a lot of sleep, eyeballs hurt, hair hurt briefly, several hours of feeling queasy, brain fog, more sleep, and then a slow realization that I didn't feel so bad anymore. We'll see what the 2nd shot brings. 

The second shot brought a low fever and fatigue. I went to bed, slept well and then was up and running errands on the 2nd day after the shot. Not bad. I have been noting some extra fatigue but I don't know if it relates to my revisiting Covid via the vaccine.

So...the motivation comment in the title. Over the past year, I have become motivationally challenged. I feel like I am barely able to accomplish the basics of laundry, cat-care and work. {Yes, my house is a profound disaster.}There has been little knitting or crafting. 
Some of the motivation drag is the extreme fallout/growing pains of the crap leadership of the past few years, the self-righteous, angry people who have crawled out of the woodwork to support the crap leadership and to deny a whole range of people the status and rights of, well, people. What the hell?!?!?!
{I can't help but note here that I am currently feeling self-righteous and angry. Ha. The irony.}

I have worked through the pandemic. I have seen lovely, kind people wearing masks, folks that stayed in their cars as we brought them their online purchases,  folks that forgot their mask that tried to complete their shopping whilst holding their shirt over their face, folks who can't wear a mask for emotional reasons, folks that almost wear a mask (under-nose, under-chin, on one ear), and folks that ignored the mask mandate altogether (pregnant ladies?!? with several kids in tow) and men that couldn't be bothered. 

And then there are the folks that come in spoiling for a fight. The mere suggestion that there are masks to be had by the entrance unleashes in-your-face name-calling, and bizarre, angry excuses that make you wish you could ask them kindly why no one taught them the basic courtesy of covering their mouths when they cough - or breathe during an airborne virus pandemic. The angry folks and the ones that couldn't be bothered hurt my heart. Some folks explained that they Never get sick and have never gotten vaccinations. Nowhere in their explanation is any consideration for the rest of the world. This disregard....

Yep, I was pissed. Still am if I dwell on it too long. Hmmm-kind of like how I get when I remember what-all went on in the training marriage. {Long time ago. My taste in men has greatly improved!}

I am angry. Angry that a chunk of our world has revealed itself to be ridiculously selfish and narrow-minded. Angry at the woman who explained that she can't wear a mask because she passes out - yet I met her as she was trying to convince other customers that they "really don't have to wear a mask". Angry at the man who yelled at me last year that all this was going away on November 4th. {My first thought in response was "We're not going to have a vaccine by 11/4...??"} Angry at the woman who discounted masks and protested the mandate because 75% of her office got Covid and it was "nothing".  
I know people who were hospitalized and one person in our circle died of Covid. People are STILL dying and she says it's "nothing"!?!

{Deep breath.} Pause to watch the rest of "Sesame Street 50: years of Sunny Days"
Ok...I needed that. 

And yet...many, many more people wore masks. And still do. And people are getting vaccinated. 
And there is outrage, dialog and even some change inspired by the fallout from the previous administration and the revealed day-to-day cruelties and dismissal of folks that are marginalized or misunderstood. I still think "Ignorance can be cured." I also think I am less blithe about the number of folks that can recognize their ignorance and adjust their perspective. 
It makes me Very sad that I now feel some folks are irredeemable. As does the continuing revelations of how prejudice shapes the lives and children of folks of color, people that don't fit into the "standard" boxes, fear of religion.... What the hell, indeed?? Gonna stop, else the ranting will start up again. 
And boy did I wander off the "lack of motivation" subject. It seems pretty obvious that the revelations of the crap side of humanity is depressing me. Grrrrr/duh. 

We can't go back to what was. Too much truth has been revealed. And "what was" had an ugly underside. As I've said before...as a kid that grew up watching Star Trek, I really thought we'd be further along by now. More human. No, better humans. 

Progress is being made. Slowly and at great cost.  But living through the growing pains sucks. I am hoping this time, the narrow-minded prejudices that hold us back will age out and will become part of the past we should never repeat.  I do hope good will come of all this but the cost is staggering

Over the decades of my life, I have realized embarrassing ignorance in my mind and have worked to learn, to cure that ignorance and settle into a new perspective - only to find I have more to learn. 

Guess that means I'm "Still Alive". 

Post-script...I started this in May but I stopped trying to write this and let it sit for a while. I was so angry and hurting. It was hard to see any good in the world and to accomplish much of anything. 
Small steps are helping. 

I am now vaccinated but I choose to continue to wear a mask when the majority of my co-workers and most of our city have shed theirs. From what I've read, we have a long way to go. The vaccine doesn't mean we can't catch the virus - it means we shouldn't die from it.
And we may not even realize we have it - as we breathe out the virus to the people around us.
AND THE CHILDREN ARE NOT YET VACCINATED. 
One of my coworkers commented that she had little concern for the health of people who refuse to get a vaccine or that went maskless/have risked our lives over the last year because "it's a hoax" or a political thing. Sadly, as you can tell from the paragraphs above, I understand where she is coming from and I have those feelings too. 

When I am being my best adult, I take a deep breath and I hope that those ignorant anti-folks will see sense - before they or someone they love becomes sick or dies. Or before they kill someone I love. 

But I will do my level best not to be an inadvertent carrier/spreader of COVID. The mask stays on.

Hugs to you all. I hope you and your loved ones are doing well.  
Signed, the Blue Voice of Reason.
Happy Blogiversary. 

"Still Alive" and Cat Smarts

Yep, "Still Alive"!
(I'm hearing Cloris Leachman in my head a la "The Croods" {a movie with which I became surprisingly smitten...and re-smitten with Ms. Leachman.}).

I'm not quite back at work yet. 

My temp had been pretty normal for five days, I was approaching my work-release date, the cough was essentially gone, and I thought I was on track to be free from strict home quarantine, go to work, and back to COVID-world normalcy. 

And then my normal temp went up .6 degrees yesterday morning, the cough came back yesterday afternoon, and today - headache. I am terrified about possibly spreading this thing so I told work I'd be holding off a few more days and went about trying to contact my GP - who I have seen exactly once - over a year ago. 

The GP was already overbooked so I am scheduled to have a video chat with someone else in his office. 

What is it about Wednesdays and COVID? First two fevers on Wednesday. Skip a Wednesday (lulling me into thinking I'm getting better...) and then my temp climbed again - on a Wednesday. {Wednesday used to be one of my favorite days...}

Per the conversations I had with a variety of folks today, COVID affects people in different ways but it is somewhat common that it doesn't leave when it should. So, yes, I'm wondering if it's going to be an annoying, mild lingering thing or if every odd passing pain I get means my spleen is failing. 

The good news....I stopped being queasy last week {VERY happy about that} and my eyeballs don't hurt anymore. My work is being super supportive.  {Thank you!!}

The husband is doing quite well and has been back at work for over a week. 

And Simon has a new trick. 

Simon is one of the kittens we adopted almost 2 years ago. He is a handsome fellow with crossed blue eyes and is a champion snuggler. I understand from his rescuer that he was a bottle-baby so he loves to be snuggled and adored but I have to acknowledge he is a bit self-oriented. 

See - extremely adorable.

So, Simon's newest trick relates to the fact that he has realized we keep certain string-y kitty toys up on a shelf on the husband's side of the master closet. He was complaining for a while and doing laps below after the last time I put the favored toys away. 

Have you ever wondered if your cat is a genius or Forest Gump? (There are smarts on both sides of that question.) 

Simon has discovered if he climbs up the clothes in the closet he can walk on top of the shoulders of the hanging clothes. Thus far he has climbed up the back of the clothes and he finds himself stuck behind the bar. 

When assisting him out of this predicament, I parted the hangers and he climbed onto my back - and then he tried to climb up to the kitty toys on the shelf (hence our realization as to why he was suddenly so interested in climbing the clothes). 

So he's climbed up the back of the clothes a few times, gets stuck, and he ends up on my back. 

For now, we're keeping the closet doors closed. Simon is not pleased. 

Ok, So It Wasn't a Test Run

 It has been a long week...and it's only been a couple of days. 

Today is the first day that my eyeballs don't hurt. Ok, they don't hurt much...

So when last I typed I thought I was on the road to recovery after contracting a Flu, having tested Negative for COVID 19. 

Later that day...
The husband attempted to get his COVID test results but the testing company's website was having glitches. He contacted them and they couldn't get it to work either so they sent him a work-around. He was pursuing the work-around when we got a text from his work indicating they had his COVID test results and they were Negative. 

Unfortunately, that text was immediately followed by a 2nd text: "Sorry, COVID test result was Positive".

Also unfortunately, that afternoon I realized I couldn't get warm. About the time I figured out another pair of socks wasn't going to help, the body aches started again and my fever was back. 

The next day we got email confirmation of the husband's Positive COVID 19 test. So I made another testing appointment with Pima County. The young lady who did the 2nd test was a bit more determined to get a really good sample - it still tickled but this one made my eyes water a bit. 

Yep, got the Positive test result the next day so I'm official. My best friend (the nurse) suspects I got the "Negative" test result because I hadn't had enough time to build up a "viral load" when I got tested the morning after my first fever (or that I caught COVID on top of a regular Flu). 

The husband has been doing pretty well on recovering. I appear to be lagging a week or so behind. I've been taking a lot of naps and watching the DVR stuff I've recorded but rarely get to watch. I still haven't lost the sense of taste or smell but I am regularly queasy and, as previously noted, my eyeballs hurt. Ok, even my hair hurt for a couple of days but it's improving. 

I feel cautiously....what? Optimistic? Lucky? Queasy?
{Yeah, I feel queasy.}
This thing can be profoundly nasty...and sneaky. I already thought I was getting over it once and I was Wrong. And COVID can have long term effects.
So...I'll just be cautious for now. 

Spring Cleaning...a little early

 You know how you feel when you clean out your closets or drawers? 

Nostalgic? {I remember when...}
Embarrassed? {Now, why did I buy that?}
Waffling on the keep or donate decision? Or the telling sound when you stretch a waistband to hear the elastic crinkle and expand never to shrink back again?
Satisfaction - as you view the closet with more space and the empty vehicle after you drop off the donations? 

I spent some time today cleaning up the blog links. {Yep, something I can do whilst sitting. My legs are less wobbly today but...}
A few things have been pulled off. Some are still under review (particularly blog and podcast links) but not a lot of radical changes. 
(Wow...and we're down to 2 yarn stores in Tucson. Am I missing any?)

I'm not planning on changing the background...I'm so in love with the rich, blue, fiber-y yumminess! But yeah, it was time do tidy up the blog and do a review. 

Some links are still on because they are still spiffy but not much has been posted to them recently...not unlike my blog. (OK, I think my blog is spiffy...at least occasionally)

Some are delightful "rabbit holes" that I tried very hard not to go down.
{Yes, Knitty.com, that would be YOU!!   Have you-all seen the current edition!?!?!}

Especially during our year of COVID, when checking on some the un-updated blogs I have to wonder if folks are OK. Have they just wandered away from blogging? Are they recovering? Were they taken from us like Cat Bordhi? {Lovely brilliant woman, there. She had so many gifts and shared so much with us.} Are they just distracted by life and not currently investing time in pulling thoughts together or getting pictures reviewed and posted. {guilty} Are they distracted by another social media platform (Twitter) and rarely taking the time to type up the long-version of their thoughts/adventures? {very guilty}

Yes, with our current stay-at-home world, you would think we would have more time for blogging.
{Insert quiet hysterical laughter here.}
Some of us have been working though all this craziness. Some folks have people to care for, entertain, or teach. Some folks are being creative and inspiring {Thank you!!} Some folks added to the foolishness on a grand, historic scale and they don't have a clue {Yes, 45, I mean you.} {Grrrrrrrrr}

Back to link-checking. Bear with me as I tweak the blog-look. I don't think it's time to "recycle" the blog just yet. But I'm looking forward to viewing my trimmed-down blog page with some satisfaction. 

Test Run

Howdy. Yep, I'm still here. Still able to type, wonder, comment, be ignorant, study, learn, revise my perspective, wonder some more...

Ok, half the challenge of writing a blog anymore is selecting a topic. 

There is soooooo much sh*... uh, stuff going on!?! 

So, before I type more on three different topics and then delete it...here's this week's current event in my life. 

I got to have my first COVID 19 test.       It tickled. 

It was preceded by the Husband coming home from work nearly a week ago - running a fever. I had him call out from work for the next day, gave him some food/meds, and made a run to the grocery store for quarantine food in case it was COVID.

Over the week, his work {slowly} made arrangements for him to get tested (next week) and I was not included in those arrangements.
OK. Fine. 

A couple of days after his fever appeared so did mine. I was inspired to get together with Pima County and get a COVID test. It was easily setup and accomplished (Thank you!!).
And it tickled. 

And the results were delivered the next day - Negative. 

So, I've been wearing masks and not going anywhere other than work/necessaries since, what, March 2020? I would have minor panic attacks at work because people were not taking the pandemic seriously. The fear has been there every day for the better part of a year. 
And the circle of the folks getting COVID is getting smaller and closer to us. It's no longer someone I know on line or the family of an acquaintance... now it's people I work with that are ill and the mother of one of my husband's best friends recently died from COVID. 

When I was at the grocery store after putting the fevered husband in bed, I tried not to hyperventilate into the extra layers of mask I was wearing. I kept thinking about the HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of people that have died from COVID and how many more have long-term effects. 

Who will take care of the cats? Nikoli/Mikale & Simon/Shadow-Cat need to go together. Who would Gato-Kitty trust? 

I need to jot down a will so the cats and yarn will find a good home. Ah, the looms too.

Can't work on any gift-items in case I transfer the virus...

The self-dialog was acknowledging the fear but trying not to panic as...oooh...I found an excellent deal on cans of soup (.99 cents each if you buy 8!!). 

Does it matter what type of soup I get if we won't be able to taste it anyway? 

Can a text of who should get my Sewing Machine count as a will? 

Would anyone want the yarn stash if I die of COVID?

I watched over the husband and tried to keep him comfortable. I researched COVID, took temperatures, dispensed pills, kept a log, cooked, cleaned, slept on the couch and yes, we were now wearing masks in our house and trying not to pet the cats just in case.
Neither of us lost our sense of smell or taste. 
By the time I was sick-er and he was recovering, he started making me meals (Thank you!). 

Our fevers are done. We're still coughing and tired. I'll feel even better once his COVID test is done and comes back negative.  As a flu, it was average. As a focus of the fear for most of the last year, it was riveting. But the fear is still there. Vaccines are happening. But not yet for us. We're older but not that old. We are "essential" but not on the level of the many amazing people who save lives, care-take, clean, heal or teach.
{Apologies...I'm sure I'm leaving out other truly essential folks.}

And I'll be going back to work in the next day or so - wondering if the next selfish person who feels it's ok to come and breathe on me without a mask might bring COVID. 

Having just done the Test Run, I think we'll need more soup.